And now… IT’S TIME. Thanks Bruce. Hey UFC, I hear Lillian Garcia is a free agent and that would be a nice upgrade. Holly Madison is the guest ring girl. I think I’ve seen her naked. For even more eye candy, do a Google search for “UFC ring girls.” The mat is covered with blood; there must have been some good prelim scraps.
Belcher vs. Akiyama
Did Akiyama come out to that song at the end of Step Brothers? Belcher attacks, Akiyama counters, and Belcher lands a big kick to the nuts. It looks like Akiyama has X’s for eyes. Nutz: “I’d grow out my toe nails and cut them.” Fight resumes. Belcher lands a huge right and puts Akiyama down. They’re both back up. Both fighters exchange strikes. Akiyama with a late takedown and a punch after the bell has Belcher pissed. In between rounds we learn Holly is starring in something called Peep Show. Interesting. Akiyama with a quick take down to begin round 2 and Belcher counters with what Swiss Hammer calls a “reverse banana split.” Is that even a move? A very close round, each fighter had their moments. Nutz: “One of my ex girlfriend was called fun bags.” Swiss Hammer keeps calling Belcher, Owen Wilson. Belcher takes control as the third round begins. Akiyama’s left eye is swelled shut, I think. Akiyama starts his attack and sneaks in some good counter strikes. Another great round, lots of strikes by both fighters. Predictions… JB: Akiyama split dec; Daisy Akiyama split dec; Nutz: draw;SH: Belcher majority dec.
Akiyama wins by split decision and both Rogan and Goldberg think Belcher got robbed. Apparently they don’t know shit.
Hendo vs. the Count
Next up is Henderson and Bisping. We all are pulling for Henderson and unanimously think Bisping is an arrogant prick. True dat. Bisping opens the fight with jabs while Hendo is stalking him around the ring. Hendo looks very relaxed and Bisping is wound tight, almost looks sickly. Bisping eats a right and is hurt but is able to doge any further damage. The Count looks recovered. Hendo in the clinch and knees galore to Bisping. Round 1 was completely controlled by Hendo. Swiss Hammer calls Bisping “Count Chocula.” Hendo is stalking Bisping again as round 2 starts. He’s controlling the ring and really pushing Bisping around. Hendo catches Bisping with a crushing right hand counter and knocks him cold. Sweet, Hendo land a forearm shiver for good measure before the ref can stop it. We can’t stop jumping around and High 5ing. Awesome. The winner by KTFO, Dan Henderson. Nutz does a perfect imitation of Bruce the Performance Artist from Family Guy. Its cracking me up
GSP vs. Alves
GSP vs. Alves
I just got caught humming the new Pink song. O man. Here comes GSP in his best karate kid outfit. Wax on Georges. GSP with a 6 inch reach advantage, might he use that to his advantage? Might. Alves looks like he’s on crack, really pumped up. The Pitbull totally steals Diego’s praying thing. Touch of gloves and we’re on. Slow touchy feely start. Takedown GSP. Another takedown and GSP gets Alves’ back with both hooks in. Great reversal by Thiago and both on feet now. Another takedown by GSP. GSP has a King Kong size cup. Daisy: “Look how big his cock is.”Alves opens round 2 and looks pissed. GSP with another takedown and lands elbows and punches. Thiago is bleeding from the nose and right eye. Alves shows some great defense from his back and weathers the storm. Round 3. Alves finally mounts some offense and then GSP gets the takedown. GSP in complete control and floors Alves with a right and throws ground and pound the rest of the round. This is getting old, GSP is good. Alves gains the top on a scramble after another GSP takedown. Thiago lands some shots in St Pierre’s guard. GSP scores another takedown, transitions to the back, and tries for a rear naked choke as the 4th round ends. Greg Jackson just told GSP to “Hit him with your groin.” Funny stuff. GSP has pulled a groin muscle but it doesn’t matter. Round 5 is more GSP takedowns and he wins an unanimous decision. I’m not sure if anyone can beat him at welterweight, dominant performance again. They should check his cup, could be a weapon
Mir vs. Lesnar
Lesnar walks to the ring to Metallica’s Enter Sandman. Mir already has a lump on the right side of his head and a heavily bandaged knee. JB “Lesnar's back tattoo is awesome.” Nutz: “His sword tat looks like the underside of a dick.” He’s right, it really does. Lesnar with the dis and wont touch gloves. There’s the bell. Lesnar gets the take down and moves to side control. Lesnar landing punches but Mir appears to remain calm. Mir is bleeding already. Brock with a headlock looking thing, maybe a neck crank, and is landing some vicious clubs to Mir’s face. SH: “Oh geez, Mir looks like hamburger.” Round 2 begins. Mir lands a nice knee and then a jumping knee. Lesnar gets the takedown and has Mir trapped against the fence, almost facedown. A constant series of rights makes Herb Dean jump in. It’s over. What an ass kicking. WTF, Lesnar gets in Mir’s face and is yelling at him. Brock then flips off crowd and antagonizes them while he disses a major UFC sponsor. What a classless dueche bag.
Fitch vs. Thiago
We didn’t really pay any attention to this fight. Why was it last? O well.
A good ending to a great night of fights and an even better day of hanging with the crew. Hope you enjoyed, we sure did.
I wanted to add some tidbits. I just saw the fighter payouts on Sherdog. Lesnar earned $400,000 for his less than 10 minutes of fight time. Here are some others: GSP $400,000; Mir $45,000; Alves $60,000; Henderson $350,000; Bisping $150,000. That’s a lot of money, but these guys have made countless sacrifices to make this a living and climb the mma ladder. Congrats.